Reinventing The Squeal

I don’t understand the fascination or should I say, the preoccupation, that our society has with porn.  I don’t find porn exciting to look at, or even remotely erotic.  Watching people fuck that have zero, if any, interest in or desire for one other, is boring.

While I could be totally off base here, I am going to venture a guess that the real issue people have with porn (although they might not be cognizant of it), isn’t that it’s people having graphic, carnal, balls-in-your-face sex, but that it’s people having graphic, carnal, balls-in-your-face sex, while totally devoid of any real intimate connection.   “Whoa, hold onto your panties, girlie!”, I bet you’re thinking.  Why does sex always need to have some emotional or intellectual component for it to be good?  Simple answer: because sex without those things is just about as exciting as folding the laundry on a Saturday night while watching reruns of Friends on Netflix.  Shoot me now.

Those vacant facial expressions they use to attempt to mimic the looks of lust, pleasure, passion, and joy don’t even come close to what those emotions actually look like in reality.  Their movements are cumbersome, mechanical, and strained.  I find their shallow attempts to recreate the cavernous depths of my sensual experiences of desire, ingenuous and transparent.  There is nothing erotic about the lack of connection they have with that undulating skin pop they call a partner.  They’re nothing more than a complacent puppet.  The director is just going to call “Cut!”, they’ll walk off set, fluff your hair, check their voicemails, and wonder if they remembered to turn off the coffee pot before they left the house that morning.  There is nothing enticing about watching robots have sex.  Well, unless they’re really robots having sex, because who wouldn’t want to watch Data and Seven of Nine get it on?  Just sayin’  I would still do Seven of Nine, and I’m pretty cemented on being 95% straight, so you see my point.

I want to watch two people who lust for one another, not born of scripted scenarios, but of devious hunger.  I want to see what happens between two people as their unabashed want for one another waxes into fully ripened primal need.  I want to witness what happens when they forget someone is watching; their inhibitions peeling away with each brush of the skin, each tremulous breath, each ravenous kiss.  I long to see people engulfed in their passion, hair tangled, sweat dripping, heads thrown back praising the beckoning heights of pleasure their spirits soar to.  I want to see each growl of abandon, each grimace of breathless engorgement, slip across their lips.  I want to feel the flush of my own rising eros sweep and spread like wildfire through my skin.

I want to be bewitched by the muse of your intimacy, and sullied by the ache of your flesh.  I want to want you.

Artist Unknown

And for that all to happen, for two people to be so enchanted by one another, so unchained to the choreography of sex, there has to be some form of energetic connection.  There has to be an intimacy that is shared.  Intimacy, that need not be accompanied by love, but by genuine like and reverence.  “Into me, you see”  Two people must meet each other on some level of emotional, and or intellectual congruency for theirs’ to be a passion that is worthy of igniting, and capturing.  That’s sexy.   That, is highly erotic.  That makes my panties moist.

We love to peek into people’s lives.  That’s why sites like Facebook, Twitter, and oh yes, our beloved WordPress are so intoxicating and popular.  We’re ensnared by observing the otherwise ordinary rituals of strangers loves, hates, joys, and pains, as they weave through what we casually umbrella as the “everyday life”.  We see and feel it all through the lens of our own experiences.  We become, in a way, secret lovers.  It is the intimacy shared we find the most titillating, for otherwise these moments in their lives fall flat across the page, and become commonplace to our own.

I don’t want to watch ugly muscle-choked men only picked for their giganto-cocks, having robo-sex with women donning Good-Year blimp-sized plasti-tits.  Real people do not look like this.  Real women have breasts that heave and sway, that move with their bodies, not just straddle their chests like fleshy hood ornaments.  We have sleek and slender lines, bold and curvaceous lines, dips, swells, peaks, and valleys.   And so do the men we love too!  We have the scars of surviving a full and vibrant life, and we don’t need any of that airbrushed out of us (unless by our own choosing).  We have tits and cocks of all sizes, shapes, and colors, and the banquet of choice is vibrant and thrilling.  Yes, we all have our innate preferences for what, or I should say who, we find attractive, and that is great!  Thats exactly how it should be, and it’s what keeps things interesting.  This, unfortunately, is an appreciation I see lacking in the majority of the porn that I have seen.  I’d personally rather watch two average people get it on with total fervid passion, than two “altered” people just going through the motions pretending.  Wouldn’t you?

If only I could reinvent porn.



  1. Fern DeVilliers · August 26, 2012

    Couldn’t agree more.

  2. charmedbylove · August 26, 2012

    the is a truly inspiring article, and extremely rare in our current “porn obsessed society” to be expressing such views. i was shocked myself, when my ex left me and started to be extremely sexualized and materialistic. when sex had emotions, sex was, and still is, magical.

    • erogenousblog · August 26, 2012

      Thanks for your comment! I love sex, I love everything about sex, but for me to want to watch it, I want the two (or more) people engaged in it together to share something more in common than just a mutual pay check.I want lust that drips from the brow.

  3. Chin Up, Chest High! · August 26, 2012

    I’m male and I completely agree with you. When all of my friends were getting excitied as teenagers at discovering porn, I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. I used to think “She has nice hair” or “she has sexy eyes – and the way she is looking at the camera is very erotic” rather than “OMG big boobs! And her fanny’s on full display!!!!!”

    As I’ve got older (in my 30s now) my porn tastes have leaned toward the erotic end, something more sensual that looks and feels real as though there is genuine passion and lust between the two people involved. Most porn makes me laugh because it is so absurd. The men often look pained and irritated and the women rarely look as though they are genuinely enjoying themselves. You are right about it being mechanical, it is also so completely unerotic.

    • erogenousblog · August 26, 2012

      When it comes to the laugh factor, porn can definitely deliver! And f it’s not the badly scripted sexual encounters it’s for the horrid cheese bomb of a soundtrack! Who picks that music anyway? Has no one in the porn industry heard of Enigma? Thanks so much for your comment.

      • Chin Up, Chest High! · August 26, 2012

        I think the industry seems to lack the input of truly creative people except within the niche areas. Has it become too big and lost innovation? Or is it that people who are good directors, writers and producers generally won’t go near porn because of the stigma?

      • erogenousblog · August 27, 2012

        I would have loved to see what film director, Adrian Lyne, would have done if she took 9 1/2 Weeks and made it full-on porn. I venture a guess that it would have been tremendously hot!

  4. The harem's master · August 26, 2012

    Well said. Porn performers can’t even synchronize the sound track with the action.

    • erogenousblog · August 26, 2012

      And all I can think of is “Not even my worst faked orgasm noises sound that fake”

  5. overthinkingmind · August 26, 2012

    I really enjoyed this article, you are completely right, porn is just a script really, one where not even the talented are acting. I’ve tried getting really into porn but I keep having these thoughts of sadness because these people are having sex with people they don’t have any feelings for, possibly for the need for money and/or fame.

    • erogenousblog · August 26, 2012

      Right hand tit, left hand clit; like naked Twister in college, but without the fun.

      Perhaps the motivation is to simply have sex for the sake of sex, and if that’s what they’re into, that is perfectly fine with me if it’s their choice, but the vacancy of any real emotion, be it love or just like, leaves me feeling empty.

      • overthinkingmind · August 26, 2012

        Haha, I like the Twister analogy! I see what you mean, I mean, essentially you are watching people doing a job.

  6. The Redhead Bedhead · August 26, 2012

    Jamye Waxman talks about directing films and wanting the performers to think more like sex educators and just have sex on camera but the second the camera rolled they’d start with the fake vocalizing. She has a great story though about having an actual female orgasm occur in one of her films that takes 20 minutes and isn’t a porn orgasm. The sad thing was when she showed it to some folks who were used to porn she did get asked “Why did that take so long? It doesn’t take that long” Sigh.

    • erogenousblog · August 27, 2012

      That’s another unfortunate side effect of porn. Sometimes you get men who think that those “zero to 90 in 3 sexonds” orgasms that the women have in porn is what an orgasm is supposed to look like, when it really doesn’t work that way. And that’s a a two-fold problem because that same man, who might be an amazing lover if porn hadn’t been his sexual education, may end up feeling inadequate because he failed to make his partner cum that quickly.

  7. Soup Bob · August 27, 2012

    I do prefer female porn directors

  8. angela · August 28, 2012

    Oh, yes, yes, yes to this, times a million, and to all the comments here. There’s too much porn that lacks any real connection, which I was quickly reminded of very recently (for those who care for a full report: Imagine the possibilities of pornographic film that shows people actually *engaged* in ways other than “my stuff’s in your stuff–watch me thrust.” Imagine how much more satisfying hitting “Play” would be then.

    • erogenousblog · August 28, 2012

      Thanks for this! I may need to go find that movie now just to see that scene you referenced. Sometimes so much can be communicated with so little; the hold of a stare, whispered sigh escaping lips, the fevered heaving of breast against chest, instead of the usual formulaic “bust, thrust, repeat.” The art of great sex in the bedroom needs to find it’s way behind the camera. Definitely.

  9. The Phoenix Exultant · September 1, 2012

    Reblogged this on The Phoenix Exultant and commented:
    I’ve been struggling to find the way of expressing what I seek out of sex. erogenoUS hits the nail on the head perfectly in the context of porn vs. true intimacy. 99.9% of all porn out there is terrible because there’s no love, no connection, no exchange of energy between the partners. The rare few that do have these qualities I, personally, find very erotic and I seek this in encounters with my partners.
    If you don’t want/are able to tap into me as I to you and share your energy as you bask in my own…I’m not really interested in the sex. Masturbation is more exciting.

  10. ladycheeky · September 5, 2012

    You should check out the book I just reviewed for Evolved World ( It’s called “After Pornified – How Women Are Transforming Pornography & Why It Really Matters” by Anne G. Sabo Ph.D. She discusses how porn needs to be reinvented and the feminist pornographers who are doing it. Great blog by the way! xo LC

    • erogenoUSblog · September 5, 2012

      Thanks so much for the recommendation, Lady Cheeky! I will definitely have to check that out, and let you know what I think. I have been musing for a long time on how I would endeavor to recreate porn, and would love to find someone to work with collaboratively eventually. I was recently gifted The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn by Violet Blue, and so far, it has been a great read!

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