Flying Solo: Myths About Masturbation and Women

This summer I was on a road trip with two male friends.  We were an interesting mix, the three of us.  While I have known both of these men for relatively the same amount of time, each I have known at different depths and ways of relating.  The older of the two, Emrys, I have known for 15 years.  I was 22 turning 23 when we met, and he was 45.  We have been lovers on and off to varying degrees for all of this time.  The younger of the two, C, was around 10 years old at that same time, and is now around age 25.  I was lovers with his father for a very brief time.  Emrys is C’s father’s longtime friend.  It is this connection that led to us all knowing one another.

You can see how this would make for an interesting mix, let alone an interesting car ride.

So, as road trips often go, the conversations were many and varied, not to mention, interesting to boot.  Somehow, the conversation turned to the subject of women and masturbation.  Emrys had mentioned how he had seen videos of women masturbating, and how women get off so much more differently from men when flying solo.  Not sure what videos he watched, or where, but suffice it to say that he said that the women were very obviously not just playing with themselves, but really making love to themselves.  This was evident in the way they touched themselves, and how they took their time and didn’t rush the process towards the inevitable goal of orgasm.  This, he said, seemed to be a stark contrast to the way men masturbate.

I had to stop him there because this was such a stereotype, and I myself disproved it on most nights where I was sleeping alone.  Yes, it’s a myth that we are always these languid lovers of ourselves when masturbating.  Sometimes, we just want a quickie with ourselves too!

Yes, not all of us ladies are taking the long, drawn out approach to romancing our vulva!  Sometimes, we just want to get in and get out.  Sometimes we need “take out”, and not the full four course meal.  Occasionally this is about time, but also it’s just sometimes what we desire.  Basically men, what I am saying here is we’re not the loftier side of lovemaking when it comes to getting down with ourselves.  While some of us would like you to think we are, in reality, we’re just like you.

I like to masturbate before bed.  Right now I’m single, so I don’t share my bed with a partner on a regular nightly basis.  So, after the usual bedtime routine of teeth brushing and facial moisturizers, I climb in between my nice cool Egyptian cotton sheets, and settle in for slumber.  Crisp cool sheets feel so incredibly good on warm skin.  This is a great time for some self-lovin’ because I’m all nice and clean, naked, warm, and relaxed.  Basically, it’s a recipe for great sex all around, solo or not.  I tend to always masturbate at night because it’s when I have the most free time.  If I masturbate during the day, which I occasionally do, it’s because I’m incredibly horny, and have alone time, or rather, a combination of both.

I kind of envy you men because it seems like it’s so much easier for you to get off during the day with enough privacy.  We women need to remove far more clothing to do so, and be someplace the familiar buzz of our favorite toy can’t easily be heard.  Well, that’s me at least.  I like my battery operated fun. Coming by fingers alone takes me much longer than daytime quickies in the office bathroom might allow for.  I also envy men, and other women,  that don’t need anything more than their hand to make themselves come, because my vibrator is my best friend when it comes to solo sex.  The first time I came with just the touch and strum of my fingers on my clit, and inside of my vagina, I literally called a friend in celebration!  It was midnight too.  That’s what happens when you’re horny and stuck without battery operated toys for a week.  Honestly, battery operated toys make me a lazy lover to myself, but damn, it still feels good and gets the job done in less time.  Partner sex is where I want to spend my hours, and it never requires the use of batteries. 

On some nights I like to take my time, but honestly, on most nights I want to just do it, be done, and get some sleep.  Yes, that means I want pleasure, to have an orgasm, and then to go to sleep.  On some nights when I can’t sleep, but may not have had the urge to diddle my girly bits, and I’ll end up using masturbation as a natural sleep aid.   This can either work wonders where I fall asleep instantly afterwards, or it can actually end up making me more awake than I was before I started.  I hate when I end up being more awake, but I have found now that if I repeat the process, I will fall asleep. This is just taking all of the mystery out of the self-lovin’ for you guys, isn’t it? Sorry!

Some nights the pleasure is just so delicious that I don’t want it to end, and so I will slow down and keep myself from falling over the edge too soon.  I love this because it just builds the pleasure to that much greater a height, so that when I do eventually come it’s with earth-shattering intensity.  Even then, still not the best orgasm ever.  Orgasms with partners still always seem more intense than the most profoundly pleasurable solo-gasm, to me.

I always fantasize about someone I know, and almost always someone I have already been intimate with, though what I imagine between us may or may not have ever happened.  I like to imagine threesomes with men, each of whom I have been lovers separately with, but never have together.  Nor will that threesome ever really be possible in real life, but oh, it is deliriously erotic to conjure fantasies of, despite this.  I suppose this is why we call them fantasies.  I also have some exhibitionist fantasies as well.  However, some fantasies that I imagine are really true moments that I shared with lovers; I recall and recount every salacious detail in my mind’s eye, and relive their desirous intricacies in full color mental detail.

And if I feel like it’s taking me a little too long to reach my edge, or I’m stuck on the plateau I sometimes get where I just can’t seem to feel like I’m ever going to come, then I have fantasies to combat that too.  I have certain fantasies that will instantly seem to change my inner road block, and bring me to orgasm fairly immediately.  Like you’re heard people say before, orgasm really is 90% in your head.

So there you have it men; myths, busted!



  1. Mari-Anne Mahlau · October 8, 2012

    This was my favorite one yet!

  2. angela · October 8, 2012

    Hoorah, hoorah! Such fantastic, honest writing here. Always a pleasure. And I’m happy to hear that i’m not the only one that has the go-to, just-get-it-done fantasy for that specific time of night. How quickly I can go from one scene to the next.

    Oh, why would I *ever* think that I was the only one? Another myth busted.

    Best to you.

    • Henry · October 15, 2012

      Quite sexy the way you want a quicky …n nothing stops you. Ummmmmm

    • erogenoUSblog · October 21, 2012

      Thanks so much, Angela! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one either, i fact, one of the perks of sharing my experiences is finding out I’m not as alone in them as I thought. The recent fantasy from my post, “Love in an Elevator” has been my super-sonic orgasm inducer as of late. =)

  3. charmedbylove · October 9, 2012

    very nice writing, vivid yet subtle =)

    • erogenoUSblog · October 21, 2012

      Thanks so much, CBL, for continually reading me! We are love champions together.

  4. travellinginternationally · October 9, 2012

    Great blog, excellent writing. Keep them cumming.

    • erogenoUSblog · October 21, 2012

      Thanks so much! I will, and i hope you will continue reading here too! =)

  5. The Phoenix Exultant · October 11, 2012

    So much of what you say rings true for me! I might as well have been reading my own post.

    Too many points I agree with to make mention of here…but for sure, the brain is the biggest sex organ both in terms of size and importance to the sexual experience

    I believe most people have those few special fantasies they have tucked away that they can pull out (so to speak) to achieve orgasm quickly. And yes, I know exactly what you mean about searching for the right fantasy for the right night when flying solo and browsing through them until you hit the right one.

    • erogenoUSblog · October 21, 2012

      Thanks so much, Phoenix! Yes, it’s a lot like fantasy channel surfing up there when some nights prove to be more “challenging” to reach my peak. Just like the brain is our biggest sex organ, it’s sometimes our biggest obstacle to superb orgasmic fun time, too! Glad to know I’m not the only channel surfer out there!

  6. sherrybearry · November 19, 2012

    Very well written and truthful! I totally agree with You that it FAR EASIER for a man to get off than for a Woman. A man only needs a closet and about 2 minutes and He is done. I like You, enjoying using the vibrator but that requires time and privacy. One thing we have better than the guys; MULTIPLE ORGASMS 🙂

    • erogenoUSblog · November 19, 2012

      So true! Multiple orgasms are like the Universe’s apology for not being able to get off as easily on the fly. :-). Perspective! Thank you so much for your lovely compliments on my writing. I hope you keep reading!

  7. Pingback: Orgasms: Batteries Not Included | erogenoUS

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