It’s All Or Nothing

Lately my libido has been confusing me. I normally think I have a fairly high libido, as far as female libidos go comparison-wise, but it seems to be playing hide n’ seek with me recently. I spend much more time seeking it than I would care too. It used to be reliably omnipresent. I know these things ebb and flow, but my libido’s recent “no-show” is messing with my head (the little tiny pink one, that is).

See, the confusing thing is that I’m actually quite horny, but when I go to release those wonderful pent-up emotions via a little night time diddle before sleep, I can’t seem to find a fantasy that I can stick with, let alone one that really sets me aflame. This leads to me sort of diddling aimlessly, like paddling downstream with only one oar, and not really knowing where you’re going, i.e. extremely frustrating and not very much fun.

This leads me to missing my ex-FWB, but the sex with him really wasn’t all that great (despite the fact that my desire for him is insatiable, so I end up having to make stuff up. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t awful by any means, it just wasn’t good. It seems like a painful dichotomy to have so much sexual desire for someone you know isn’t the greatest in bed, but I guess that’s love for you. You know, I never once had an orgasm with him, faked more than my fair share, but I still loved being with him. This confuses me to this day, but I digress.

You see, I have a penchant to only really enjoy fantasizing about men that I have been with before, or may be with some day. I was never down for imagining myself with celebrities, or strangers. It isn’t what gets me off. Reality is far more exciting, or at least embellishing the reality at hand, more so than something that has no possibility of happening. To this extent, I have had extensive sexual imaginings about a gentleman in my running group, and I really have no clue if it ever would get anywhere near to happening in reality, but it sure is fun to create the vision of in my head! I guess I get off on the possibility of it. I like to imagine what his cock looks like, what it tastes like, what it would be like to ride him, what his lips would feel like, and generally what he’d be like in bed. Sometimes I feel mildly guilty or dare I say shameful for fantasizing such lucid sexual escapades with someone I literally brush shoulders with on such rare occasion, never speak to, and have weekly Words With Friends games with. LOL

You know, I am kind of picky, and it isn’t every day (or even every month) that I look at a man and feel real sexual chemistry, but this guy kissed me on the cheek at our holiday party, and I knew right then what I’d prefer to be doing with him…on top of a nearby table. Points south said “Oh, yesssssssss” This does not happen very often.

What on earth was I talking about? Wow, talk about major sexual ADD, Bat Man….panties

Fantasizing and reality….yeah, that’s it.

So, of the “usual suspects” in my sexual fantasy play book, I just can’t seem to pick one I’m happy with lately. In addition to being heavily turned on by the possibilities that reality in fantasy holds, I also like emotional connection.

Since I am not feeling the desire to connect with any of these men in reality, this is having an adverse affect on my fantasy life. I just don’t feel emotionally comfortable screwing even my own “Holodeck” images of them.

Lately, the ex-boyfriend from 7 years ago seems to be making an appearance in my fantasies. He’s the “Go To” fantasy guy lately because we had such fantastic real-life sexual chemistry, and I guess he’s far enough back in my past that I can only remember what he did to hurt me/piss me off, and I am not actively feeling it. I like to imagine us fucking in the shower because he looked so fucking amazing naked and wet, and we did spend quite a lot of naughty time in bathrooms together, be it our own, or friends’ bathrooms. *smiles* Plus, and I suppose this is such a girl thing to say, I absolutely cum over how the slope of his back looked; the delicious and sinuous curve of his spine from the rise of his shoulders to the dip right above the curve of his ass makes me wet just remembering how it looked glistening underneath the cascade of water from the shower head above. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. Yes, have some.

Still, in our final days he took the word “asshole” to a whole new level, so this eventually works it’s way into my head and kills my clit buzz.

So, no ex-FWB, no runing guy, and no ex from 7 years ago working out in my fantasies.

I just need to meet someone new. I need a little romance, and the invigorating “tet te tet” of flirting that ensues in the beginning chase. Of course, for me to really want this that has to be a brain flexing its muscles behind the brawn, otherwise it’s a no go.

To quote Huey Lewis, “I want a new drug. One that won’t make me sick”

In other news….these are my latest “me” splurge.  New panties make everything better.

 

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9 comments

  1. Fern DeVilliers · January 14, 2013

    I so agree with you – I only ever fantasize about people who are a real possibility in my life. Sorry Brad Pitt. I also usually have one person on “my mind” for a certain period of time, and then it changes. I hear what your saying about “wanting a new drug” LOL. Hope you find one soon!

    • erogenoUSblog · January 14, 2013

      I laughed when I read “Brad Pitt”, because if I was totally going to write the same thing. Yum.

  2. autumnquest · January 14, 2013

    Damn, that sucks about the lost fantasy life. But I know you’ll be back in the buzz soon enough.

    I have to say that my fantasy life is always with men I actually have known or currently know. And they also have to be someone with whom there may be SOME potential. Lately it is my tattoo artist (well he’s been one of the stars in my fantasies for about 5 years…basically since we first shook hands when I entered the shop for him to plan my latest piece and the chemistry went “POW”) who has become a pretty good friend. We have played this flirty cat and mouse thing for the entire time…he’s got my classic type going on….swarthy…Native American with black hair which used to be very long, musician, creative type with an edge, but who underneath is still a good guy mostly. But our timing has been off and I think there has always been some doubt on both sides at times whether the other is actually interested or is just flirty with everyone (I am actually, but there is my usual friendly self and a real flirt). So nothing has ever actually happened except some major back and forth innuendo in private Facebook messages. Ahhhhh, the build up tension just adds to the intensity. I actually fear now that if this ever actually culminates, one or both of us may be sorely disappointed because we’ve may have built it up so much in our minds (well, I may have…I don’t know for 100% sure he fantasizes about me though the definite suspicion is there and everyone who has met him or seen the messages tells me that it’s obvious)

    I have gone through dry periods too. I feared for awhile it might be the onset of perimenopause or now actual menopause. But it always seems to return with a vengeance. Oddly, sometimes my libido for myself is high while my desire to have sex with my partner wanes even though my passion for him overall is still as high as ever and he’s just sizzle material for me. Who knows….I think it’s part emotion, part biological and part mental.

    I hope a new start for your fantasy walks onto the stage for you soon. And cute panties. Va va va voom.

    • erogenoUSblog · January 14, 2013

      That’s just it, the libido is really high, but my fantasy life needs a hard reboot (pun intended), because as horny as I am, my current fantasy material just isn’t doing it for me.

      And I so get what you mean about the build up in those flirty cat and mouse games maybe making an impossible bar to reach once things actually happen. You never know though. It could go either way; more fizzle than sizzle, or more bang in the zoom!

  3. The Phoenix Exultant · January 15, 2013

    “I absolutely cum over how the slope of his back looked; the delicious and sinuous curve of his spine from the rise of his shoulders to the dip right above the curve of his ass makes me wet just remembering how it looked glistening underneath the cascade of water from the shower head above. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. Yes, have some.”

    Well then, dress me up in cute underwear and braid my hair, cause damn do I love a good back.

    • erogenoUSblog · January 15, 2013

      So glad it’s not just women who think this way. :-). Of course Phoenix, you are far from the average male. This is a compliment.

  4. Enchanted Seashells · January 26, 2013

    Jon Stewart, JR from All My Children (who kinda looks like my hubs), Nate and Chuck from Gossip Girl. Geez, am i like 13yrs old or what? I. am. pathetic. have a lovely weekend!

    • erogenoUSblog · January 29, 2013

      You and Jon Stewart? Me and Stephen Colbert! LOL Don Draper from Mad Men, and Roger Sterling, too. Nathan Fillion from his Firefly days! Hope your weekend was a non-surfing husband blast!

      • Enchanted Seashells · January 29, 2013

        Yes, we had a great time and he wasn’t even grumpy without the surf!

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