The Bad In Each Other

I was just writing a fun blog post on penis size, when I started listening to this Feist song, and it was instantly derailed.  My heart can be so fickle.

Thoughts of my ex-FWB have been on my mind a lot lately, so much so that I have been dreaming as of late dreams that star him in various roles.  That all started when I had recently been thinking of him more due to things going on in my personal life that I had been wishing I could have gone to him for advice or feedback on.  I have to then remind myself why I needed to walk away from that friendship altogether, why it is healthier for me, even if at times a piece of me pangs for that friendship.  Sometimes I can still feel the ghosts of us then walking around where I stand now.  I remember my therapist telling me “I think it’s so unfair how he is with you, how he yo-yos”.  The one simple sentence was the catalyst for me really acknowledging in my own heart how right she was, how unfairly he built my heart up, and tore me down.

If you love someone, confess you are and have always been in love with them, but have no intention of ever allowing that to happen, why bother telling the person in the first place?  Why tell me?  I didn’t need to know.  I had acquiesced to my wondering.  I had accepted not knowing.  You were so cruel to confess your feelings to me.  So selfish and self-serving.  Why didn’t you just leave me alone?  I hate you for doing that to me when you had no intention of loving me.

Oddly enough, I found this song earlier this week, and it stuck with me.  These words, this stanza here, perfectly speaks to the heart of what it felt like in my heart

“Fill me up then pour me out
Therein lies the doubt.
We had the same feelings
At opposite times.”


 

“When a good man and a good woman
Can’t find the good in each other
Then a good man and a good woman
Will bring out the worst in the other
The bad in each other”

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13 comments

  1. charmedbylove · January 26, 2013

    its really demeaning when guys put women down with unreasonable expectations, it really hurts one self-esteem. walking away, it recovers one and allows one to truly appreciate themselves better =)

  2. Enchanted Seashells · January 26, 2013

    Hi, I thought I was following you and couldn’t figure out why I never got your posts, so I re-followed! I’m still trying to figure out sex things. I really enjoy your blog!

    • erogenoUSblog · January 29, 2013

      Seashells! So happy you are swimming into my blog! I have done the same thing with blogs myself. I have yours marked to “instantly” now! Xoxo

  3. The Phoenix Exultant · January 26, 2013

    When I split up with my ex, I dreamed and thought about her for months and would wake up or snap out of it and remind myself that she wasn’t that person for me anymore.

    It’s also not unusual to feel anger and hostility and rage in the months following said breakup, It’s common to finally be able to look back and reflect on what actually happened and fully understand the bad that it was with some distance and perspective (and the good too, for that matter).

    Hugs, as always, dear πŸ™‚

    • erogenoUSblog · January 28, 2013

      Yes, I think it is also this lull in the winter that inspires reflection too. This way we are ready for new growth when spring comes.

  4. Daniel de Culla · January 26, 2013

    O enjoy itΒ‘

  5. Chin Up, Chest High! · January 26, 2013

    The only thing worse than being rejected outright is mixed messages. My ex-wife gave me so many while we were breaking up; determined that it was over but crying on my shoulder how much she couldn’t bear to live without me, begging me never to ever leave her – all the while telling me she didn’t want me.

    I also had a crush on a friend who gave me mixed messages. Despite telling me that she only saw me as a friend, she spent the next several months telling me why another guy who’d shown her interest was so completely unsuitable for her – a guy she later got together with. She continued to hammer home why she could never be with somebody like him; she must have known the sort of impact that would have had on my emotions.

    • erogenoUSblog · January 28, 2013

      I agree with you about mixed messages being worse. What made it even worse was that he has been the one man I have always trusted, and the one man who always rallied for me deserving honesty and love from my partners. To have him lie to me, and yo-yo my emotions was the ultimate betrayal.

      • Chin Up, Chest High! · January 28, 2013

        I’ll bet. Some people get an ego boost from the power trip 😦

  6. Tess · January 26, 2013

    It’s so difficult to have a healthy FWB relationship. Probably because it’s so difficult to balance feelings and sex. Even if you are having a FWB “no strings attached” or “emotion-less” sexual relationship, sex is super personal and it’s hard to not take anything your FWB says or does personally. Be strong! You’ll find someone worth it when you’re ready!

    • erogenoUSblog · January 28, 2013

      Yes, the real problem with ourFWB relationship was much more complicated than a simple misunderstanding of words or actions. He professed he loved me, and had always been in love with me, but was terrified of being hurt by/losing me, so he stayed silent. When we finally had our chance, when we were both single and free to pursue the possibilities, he then told me all the reasons we couldn’t be together; he was too old for me (we’re 8 years apart so that is laughable), I remind him too much of his daughter, and other assorted excuses. He wavered and changed all the time. The last lie I was told was that it was just the “timing”, Suffice it to say, the messages were mixed. I walked away.

      • Tess · January 28, 2013

        Good for you for walking away!

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