No, I was not being held captive for the past 4 months in a cave somewhere, or abducted by aliens to a distant planet where anal probing was actually a BAD thing. No, I was just silenced by my own self doubt. Self-doubt that crept in after I was told that I was going about getting my writing out there in all the wrong ways, and in short “all the wrong ways” really translated into, “you’ll never be successful doing things the way you’re doing them” and “you’re going about it all wrong”.
I don’t have a degree in writing, I have a degree in art. Yet, during my college art education and even beyond, I have been told by professors, friends, and strangers, “You should be a writer”. The first time I was told that was by my freshmen writing instructor Loraine O’Grady. She said, “You know, you should really be a writer”, and I was just so insulted. I was like, “I’m an artist, not a writer.” I’m not sure why I was insulted, but I was only 17 and still in that, “You can’t tell me what to do” phase. Artists, rebels; one in the same.
Right now, I am making a long story, longer, so I am going to dial it back and in the words of Inigo Montoya, “Let me e’splain…no, let me sum up.”
I let my blog slide and essentially stopped blogging regularly altogether back in March when I allowed someone else’s pessimism about my choice of writing venue affect how I felt about my writing, and by hat I mean why I created erogenoUS in the first place, and not the actual quality of the writing.
I created erogenoUS when I decided that I was tired of waiting for someone else to give me an opportunity. Instead, I decided I was going to make my own! I wanted to write, but most importantly, I wanted to be read! I wanted to get my work out there in the quickest way I knew how: social media. And, the essential ingredient, the intrinsic drive that birthed this blog was that I wanted to write about what I love: sexuality and my personal experience with it in a way that other people could relate to, and in some way hopefully feel less alone in their own experiences of how they view and experience that sexuality. This is why the “US” in erogenoUS is capitalized, because while these are my personal, true life, experiences, I feel a lot of these core issues are universally relatable on some level, regardless of all the various categories that the world uses to box us into.
At least that is my hope. Think of me as the beacon in the interwebs calling out to you, “You are not alone!” erogenoUS is ALL of “US”
But, I allowed a voice (that was well-meaning at the time) to shake my tree enough to fill me with uncertainty and fear. I questioned if what I was doing really had any impact, or if it was just a waste of good data storage.
I went silent.
You started following me on Twitter, “liked” me on Facebook, you read my posts even when it looked like I had abandoned ship. You, my readers and fans, kept showing me support! I was wondering how there was still momentum in silence.
And I know I owe that to the following seriously sexy bloggers:
- Lady Cheeky, who tweeted me as a fave sex blogger every Friday even when I was total AWOL. Thank you for all of your support of me and my blog, and for not forgetting me even when I was abandoning myself.
- The Redhead Bedhead for all the re-tweets and for the amazing writing you are doing, your Super Hero Sex Shop Tour, and your commitment to sex geekery at it’s finest!
I want to send out a big THANK YOU to Venice and Ryan @ Fuckblogging.com for making me #9 on your “Quarter 2 2013 Top Ten Sex Blogs”! Your review of erogenoUS made my heart jump with happy, and reminded me of just why I write here! It was the final nudge from the universe that I needed to know my original direction was where I still needed to be embarking on. You guys ROCK!
However right now, I need to go get some much-needed sleep.