Still coming down from one of the most intense orgasmic highs I have had in long, long, time. As I sit here legs crossed and type this, I can still feel the aching sensitivity in my clit as it presses up against my panties, and it makes me want more. It also makes me think I am far too lazy when it comes to self loving’, and that has to change.
True confession time…I am a lazy masturbator. I touched on this (pun intended) awhile back when I wrote Flying Solo: Myths About Masturbation and Women. Technology has made me, like most of us, yearn for instant gratification, and I have let that seep into my solo flying time. For this reason, I envy you men out there because, although there are toys made for you too, I don’t think you rely on them nearly as much as we women do.
When I was 19 and living in NYC, I confessed to my roommate that although I had had sex before, I had never had an orgasm with a partner, nor when masturbating. She exclaimed, “You need toys”, and quickly planned a field trip for us up to Eve’s Garden on W. 57th St, and there I discovered the world of sex toys for the first time. I bought my very first vibrator who I later named Pink Pearl. It was your basic hand-held “back massager” (winky winky, nudgy nudgy), which was really a super compact hand held vibrating clit lover. The minute I got home I threw some Mazzy Star on my CD player, closed my bedroom curtain (no door to our bedroom, poor college dorm life), and had my first orgasm within 10 seconds! Bang Zoom!
Pretty soon after that I began having orgasms with partners with ease, the talented ones at least. In fact, I think my ex-husband was the first man I had an orgasm with, so I should give him credit where credit is due! <insert a round of applause for him here> But I digress, this is about my solo loving adventures…
Still, even after enjoying many nights with my Pink Pearl wonder into my mid 20’s, I had never been able to, despite many attempts, been able to make myself com using only my hand. I found it a little distressing. I kind of wondered why I wasn’t able to, and truthfully, felt a little ashamed that i couldn’t…like I was broken compared to other women that seemed to be able to finger themselves into orgasm with ease.
One day I was talking with a female friend while we were on a camping trip, and somehow the topic of masturbation came up. What can I say? I have some pretty cool friends and some wild campfire stories because of it. Anyway, I confessed that I had been unsuccessful at making myself cum by hand, and that I had to rely on toys. Lo and behold, I felt the greatest relief when a huge smile beamed from her face and she cried, “Me too!” Suddenly, we were no longer solo in our touchy situations! You could just see the weight of judgements we had made about ourselves silently lifted from our shoulders in this moment of female campfire bonding.
In the summer of 2006 I had taken a job that was out of town, and I ended up staying at my mother’s house during the week in order to make the commute shorter. I was 30. The nights were warm and humid, and because I love warm weather, I delighted in sleeping with the window next to my bed open so I could listen to the alluring sounds of night. Now, that year was a lot like this past one for me. That July it had been a long stretch of months that I hadn’t had sex, and much like now, that meant my libido was on overdrive. I had forgotten to bring my vibrator with me, and even if I hadn’t, I would’ve been afraid I would have been overheard even in the middle of the night.
That day at work I had a client who was a doctor on vacation from Canada. He was very tall (just how I like men to be), with short dark hair and hazel-ocean eyes. I’m not sure what it was about him that made him stand out to me, maybe it was how he smiled at me that seemed to convey a more desirous subtext then what was actually spoken, but that night he became that focus of my fantasies.
By this point I had just succumbed to the idea that I couldn’t bring myself to orgasm with my fingers, but without my vibrator, I was going to have to make due. I stroked my pussy while I thought of him…his eyes, his lips…and what I imagined the rest of his body looked like. I slid my fingers inside myself and stroked my g-spot, making sure to brush the length of each finger against my clit each time I would pull them out. I was lost in this fantasy fueled by fervid lust of a total stranger.
And then I came, so hard, that I was flying high on both orgasmic bliss and total disbelief! It was well after midnight, but I couldn’t help it. I was so excited to have brought myself to orgasm without anything else but my touch, that I immediately (once I could pull myself together enough to speak coherently), called the one person I knew who might be up, my long-time friend (and occasional lover) Emrys, and gleefully shared my glorious accomplishment. You would have thought I had just won an Oscar for it with the excitement that poured out of me.
That was 8 years ago, and guess what? Despite the fact that I now knew it was possible for me to make myself cum by only my touch, I fell back into my lazy mastrabatory love of technology, and have used a vibrator ever since. Admittedly, a lot of the time it just comes down to that: sheer laziness on my part. I know I can make myself cum this way with very little effort, and sometimes, a quickie is all I really want or have time for. Sleep is precious man!
If there is one thing I know about the world we live in, it’s that everyone seems to want to find a faster, more efficient way to do things. Sadly, my solo sexcapades have taken this same trend to heart…or part, should I say. This afternoon was a lesson in why this is robbing me of some deliriously mind-blowing orgasmic fun time.
Flirty Running Friend to the rescue! Yes, as always with our sexy little texts he made me instantly juicy. There was that wanton desire again that was unrelenting, and most definitely required an afternoon tryst with myself. This time I didn’t reach for the vibrator though. I wanted to fantasize about what his lips and tongue would feel like on me, and there was no way I could do that any justice with some battery-operated toy.
I am get very wet, but I wanted my pussy even slicker. Lucky Bloke sent me a wonderful gift package of lubes (so much lube, so little time), and it’s high time I make an effort to play around with them. I used just a little, but oh, it made my pussy deliciously silky to touch. I stroked the shaft of my clit from the top of the hood to the tip, and lost myself in pretending it was his tongue. I took my time. I reveled in every blissful sensation of my touch. It was like drawing with electricity on my skin. I sent him little texts about what I was doing until I could no longer focus on anything else, but my touch and my fantasy of him.
I reached inside with one…two…three fingers, teased myself, pulled out, and went back to stroking my clit. I slipped my clit between two fingers and lightly squeezed them together around it as I rubbed up and down. I was trembling with such fierce electric pleasure from each stroke. This was something new I discovered I liked. I always like learning new things about my body, even now after I have been long acquainted with what brings it satisfaction.
When I came, it was more intense than I ever do with toys. And I do love toys, I do (Lelo, you’re the one for me, baby), but this was in another whole realm completely. It was so much closer to the intensity of orgasms that I have with partners. This totally blew solo sex with vibrators right out of the water! As I lay there, still shuddering with tremors of pleasure even several minutes after the crescendo of my orgasmic peak had subsided, I couldn’t help but wonder why I don’t forgo toys more often. I am more than convinced that I need to wean my solo flights off batteries and spend more time learning how to more artfully play the “sin”strument that is my body. I want to break free from my 90’s “instant gratification” Generation X’er haze and take my time. After all, why rush pleasure? Save that shit for the DMV and the dentist office…aka “things we hate that never seem to go fast enough”, My Precious.
And now I leave you with this 90’s flashback, and a little tribute to Flirty Running friend.
Don’t let this go too much to your head, FRF…you’re not the only one I want. =)