The internet is a bizarre place. You think it’s totally anonymous if you want it to be but it never really is. Do you know there are sites that can tell you who is searching for you by name in Google and such?
I just found out that my ex-FWB Norris is apparently is doing just that.
It’s not like he doesn’t know where I am. I live in the same place, as does he, and we know where each other works. Finding each other isn’t something that would be difficult in any sense of the word. Although, when I told him I was disconnecting from him for my own mental and emotional well-being, I deleted and blocked him from everything: email, messenger, Facebook, anything I had as a means of easy contact.
This was less about him, and more about me. Neither one of us is the crazy stalker type. I knew when I said that was it that he wasn’t going to follow me. It was like I was quitting him like a drug, and I needed to go “cold turkey”. I needed no way I could backslide into that “relationship” again. That “relationship” being the 17 year long game of emotional roller coastering with him. It can be summed up very easily by Katy Perry’s song “Hot and Cold” It has been since September of 2012 that we’ve spoken.
Still, there Norris is, looking for me. I think it’s more “checking up on” me, really.
I admit to being guilty of the same thing with him. I want to know he’s ok, that he’s happy, that his kids are doing well, and that maybe he finally found someone that he didn’t have to run away from. Apparently I am not the only one who’s wondering from a distance. I suppose that’s what loving someone will do to you.
I know that he sent me clients at work, and I know one of them was there purposefully to find out whether I was single or not. Let’s just say, if you are going to send someone to “spy” for you, make sure they are a little more subtle. I can piece together P90X, Jeet Kun Do, and “your boyfriend must love you for this” pretty easily thanks. Also, it’s not so much what spy client asked me, but more what he didn’t ask me that was the deal clincher.
Admittedly again, I’ve wanted to write Norris lately. It’s not the first time I had the urge, but I’m rallying against it, and reminding myself that my choice to disengage was best no matter how much I may miss him.
In honor of that feeling, here is the song that Norris said always made him think of me.