When I was 18 I had sex with my step brother. I had just moved to NYC for college, and now that I was “legal”, the opportunity to make something long-flirted around, a reality, was too tempting to pass up.
Even though I had lost my virginity a few years earlier, with two different partners, I really had no real understanding of what good sex was, let alone how to be any “good” at it. My parents never really talked to me about sex (whose really do), so my sexual education really came from watching soap operas and guessing, watching one porn film and wondering “Why?”, and then filling in the blanks with anything else sexually stereotypical the pre-internet media wanted to share with me. Like many teenagers, I was just fumbling my way through without the manual.
So here, after just turning 18 two days before, I called up my step brother who lived in Alphabet City at the time, and head over to his place with all sorts of nerves fluttering around in my belly for the long anticipated encounter.
It was horrible.
It was right out of a bad porn film, and I am not free from blame there. It was a “legs over his shoulders, feet in the air, thrusting like a wayward jackhammer, bad porn girl noises” kind of awful. No orgasm, not even close…for me at least. I was so disappointed. He was 9 years older than me, so I thought I might learn something, but instead as I was getting dressed, I realized I had more questions than answers. Not wanting to keep feeling as naive and unexperienced, I went for shock value. As I was buttoning up my shirt, I cocked my head to the side, smiled, and said, “Have you tried fisting?”
Needless to say, I really had no idea what fisting really was. He was like, “Babe, you are way more hardcore than me”. So, zing! I left his apartment not feeling like a totally naieve nymph. Still, to this day, I have no clue where I came up with that. I’m guessing I must have heard it mentioned in some book or movie that had crossed my recent path.
For years, my vision of vaginal fisting was just that: “way hardcore”. I always envisioned it as something most likely painful, definitely uncomfortable, and not in the least bit pleasurable. I just imagined some man with a fist up his lover’s pussy, just slamming away. That was a total visual turn off for me. And while I love rough sex and sensory play, getting off on pain has never been my thing.
At 27 all my misconceptions about fisting came crashing down in one earth-shattering, g-spot induced, orgasm.
I have always loved being fingered while having my pussy licked. To be stroked inside, to be penetrated, to revel in the feeling of being filled, has always intensified my pleasure. Oh, I can come without it, yes, but it just makes the orgasm that much more pleasureable. It takes it to a whole other level. It’s the best of both oral and penetrative lovemaking.
I was in a relationship with a lover during that time which was really based on mutually exploring our sexual boundaries. In the course of talking one evening about things we wanted to try, he brought up fisting. I had my image in my head, but he assured me it wasn’t what I had been long imagining. A few weeks later he bought me the book A Hand In The Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting, which I admit I only read a short bit from before I consented to trying it with him. I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it yet.
One night, as he was nestled with his face deep between my thighs he slid a finger inside my pussy, and then a second…still encircling my clit with his tongue, along my hot slit, and I was on fire for him as usual. He pushed in a third. He had nice thick fingers. I loved the way they felt filling me. He stroked me deep inside, traced his passion with each strong finger on my inner walls, and I tightened around him like a glove. It was like he was making me his instrument, and my sighs and moans were our music. My thighs were quivering with this intense pleasure that was racing though every inch of my skin. And when he inserted a 4th finger, it was such a insatiable desire flowing through me that I didn’t even realize we had reached that.
It was so primal, so deeply intense. It was a feeling I had never experienced to that magnitude before. It’s a g-spot orgasm that is like a full-body earthquake that’s an 8.5 on the Richter Scale! Imagine ladies (or gents) your most intense orgasm, and then multiply that by 100, maybe 1000. Imagine that, and you might come close to the sensations I was experincing from being filled by his hand.
Photo courtesy COSMOS Magazine
We got up to 4 that time before the intensity scared me, and I felt a twinge of pain which I feared was me tearing, but really was the unfortunate nick of a fingernail that wasn’t filed down well enough. He pulled his hand out slowly, and I would have sworn he was wrist deep inside me.
Rule #1 of good fisting experiences – trim your nails down so no edges can be felt at all!
See, that’s just it. Fisting isn’t about making a fist and shoving it into your partner’s vagina like a plow. If you Google images of it, that’s all you’ll see; a bunch of hands and forearms stuffed into vaginas, but it really gives a false impression to a seriously delightful experience.
Rule #2 – Slow and steady wins the race!
Be patient and take your time. It’s slow, it’s sensual, it’s deeply intimate. If done right, you’re not inserting a fist, but rather slowly making a fist inside your partner’s pussy. That it what naturally will happen as the fingers curl the more you progress, once you get past the hardest part, which is the wide part of the man’s hand near the lowest thumb knuckle. The key to being able to get more fingers in, and inevitably the whole hand, is that you’re relaxed, and the best way for you for us ladies to be relaxed is to not feel pressured. Don’t be set on the end goal, enjoy every moment of the ride.
I have to tell you that even in the many times he and I explored this way, his hand was just too wide to fully get past that widened area of his hand. We were very close one time, very, but then he started licking my asshole that I lost all control, and I came so hard and so fast that it merited a place on the calendar. It has been known since as “BOOML” December 23, 2008. Otherwise known as “Best Orgasm Of My Life”. Let it just be said that I am by no means a quiet lover, so I am pretty sure everyone within a 50 mile radius heard me that day too. Everybody celebrate! Sorry neighbors.
Rule #3 – No matter how wet you get, use lube!
I get very wet naturally, very, so we didn’t need extra lube (or so we thought), but if you’re going to try this for the first time with a lover, I suggest definitely using a good lube. And even as juicy as I get, a little extra lube is never a bad thing. Plus, vaginas are very delicate places, so this will help prevent anything unpleasant like tearing from happening. Speaking from my first time experience, it really pulled me right off my pleasure high rather quickly.
Photo Courtesy Weheartit.com
And lastly, Rule #4 – Don’t be afraid to try something new
If I hadn’t have been open to trying this, I would have missed out on a height of sexual ecstasy that I would have not believed was possible. Be open to pushing your own boundaries, safely that is, you never know what pleasures await you.
Men, I’ll use this moment to say that having a woman stroke your prostrate with one, or more, fingers can be just as pleasurable for you. Want to amplify that pleasure? Have her suck your cock while she does it. And I promise, it won’t make you gay (haha – Seriously, why are straight men still so fearful of some equal opportunity loving’ here?) Personally, I find it very sexy to touch a lover this way, but as much as you guys love are asses, you play hard to get with us with your own Unfair I tell you, unfair!
And it should be noted, it is ok to not enjoy something. You may try fisting and not have the same experience as me. It may just not butter your muffins like it does mine, but at least you will know because you gave yourself permission to explore and experience it.
I am still waiting to explore fisting again with a new lover, and hopefully, finally be able to experience the sensation of a whole hand inside me. It’s not something I would do with every lover and it’s probably not something on every man’s sexual menu, but thanks to that one lover, it is forever on mine.