So, as I was noodling around on Facebook this evening I came across this post from a friend which kind of made me bat my eyelashes in disbelief. The Sexual Bucket List: 50 Things To Do Sexually Before You Die lists 50 things that the author, a fellow woman, believes to be the “must do’s” of the sexual experience, and while it may be a good start, I’m sorry, but this list needs serious revision. Some of this stuff is just so vanilla that it’s beyond vanilla. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of vanilla sex as you may remember reading (In Praise of Vanilla), but if you’re going to make a sexual “Bucket List”, it had better have some bells and whistles!
First, allow me to go through the author’s sexual bucket list one by one. I haven’t done all of the things she lists, but it’s kind of surprising what I have vs. what I have not. Some of the things listed make me think the author had a very difficult time coming up with 50 things to do sexually. My sexuality isn’t quite so limited in it’s explorations and desires.
- Kiss a girl – “I kissed a girl, for the first time, I kissed a girl, and I just might do it again…”
- Have anal – Received and given (with fingers and a strap-on for the giving end. Rest assured, I have no penis. LOL
- Have a threesome – Done it (both FFM and MMF)
- Engage in group sex – Isn’t this really the same thing? Ok, so I’ve went up to 4, how’s that for a group?
- Have phone sex – Done it. Phone sex always makes me a little nervous, and I’ve never really been able to figure out why.
- Masturbate – Um, seriously? Does this even need to be on the list? Isn’t this a no brainer?
- Use a vibrator – Again, really?
- Use a sex toy on someone else – Just one?
- Be tied up – Too many times to count
- Tie someone up – Same answer as #8
- Have sex in a public space – Always looking for new places! Suggestions?
- Be a voyeur and watch others having sex (live, porn does not count) – Where I wasn’t a part of it? Hmm, I don’t think so.
- Sex in a car – More than a few
- Sex at a drive-in – Is there another reason to go to a drive in? Actually, there must be because I have yet to have sex at the drive-in.
- Mile-high club – We decided the bathroom was too small, so, no.
- Sex with a stranger – I knew him for about 20 minutes, does that count?
- One-night stand – More like a “One afternoon stand”
- Married sex (the best kind, in my opinion) – Yep, it wasn’t my best, but at the age of 21 you really don’t know what “good sex” really is yet.
- Sex on a boat – Nope, can’t say I have…yet
- Sex in a body of water – I’ve had sex in a few pools, but never in the ocean. I really need to rectify that.
- Light spanking – I’m sorry, I literally just LOL’d when I read this one again. Bare handed, hairbrush, paddle, and of all of the above, I prefer a nice firm hand.
- Read erotica – Yawn. I write it. I wrote my first story in 8th grade, and my English teacher leaned over my desk and said to me, “I don’t think that’s currently what we’re studying”. True story, bro!
- Play strip poker/Monopoly/card game – I lost, or won, not sure who really loses in that game. =)
- Sex in the shower – So many showers, so many!
- Sex standing up against a wall – Against the wall of the shower and in a movie theater bathroom stall.
- Sex with no kissing – Sex MUST include kissing! I am far too oral to consider sex without lips on lips.
- Sex in the pitch black – Again, really? Who the fuck puts this on a sexual bucket list?
- Sex in the broad daylight – Outdoors in the sun!
- Making out with no sex long after you’re no longer a virgin – I was just thinking about this today. I had the most gloriously sexy 2-hour make out session with a man I was long-time friends with, and although we attempted to make a date to finish that energy off in sexual crescendo we never ended up doing so.
- Sex in a tent in the wilderness – On a volcano no less! Also out in the woods many a time.
- Watch porn together – While yes, I have done this (and with my ex-husband), I don’t find porn sexy. Ugly people who obviously aren’t even enjoying themselves does nothing for me.
- Watch porn alone – When I was 12 I watched a porn film that I stole from my brother’s secret stash. It was called something like “The Layout”. It turned me on, but it was really stupid and cheesy.
- Learn to give yourself multiple orgasms – Yes, but I prefer them with partners.
- Sex on the beach – On a lifeguard shack on the beach in the Virgin Islands
- Blindfolds – Occasionally
- Using ice sexually – Ice, chocolate sauce, Nutella, ice cream, pudding, fruit, jam, juice, and even a cucumber.
- Sexual role play – I was a bad, bad, girl, and I needed to be punished.
- Whipped cream – Yawn
- La Perla lingerie sex – It’s lingerie, really? It frightens me that this even needs to be listed.
- Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie sex – Same as 39
- Sex with someone much older – I used to always date older men, but the degrees of separation varied. When I was 23 I had sex with a man who was then 45. I thick 22 years is the greatest difference.
- Sex with someone younger (legal!) – Last year I had sex with someone who was 25. I was 37.
- Sex in a foreign country, possibly with a foreigner – I’ve had sex in Canada and the guy was Canadian, does that even count?
- A quickie in a skirt – A quick what? I’m sure I’ve had sex in a skirt before.
- A longie in the rain – A “longie”? Again, I laugh out loud. I’ve kissed in the rain, but never had sex in the rain before.
- Sex in the ocean while people swim all around you – Not yet
- Feather ticklers – My ex-husband and I used to go to this craft store in the mall across the street from my college apartment in Jersey City, and we would buy all sorts of crazy things just to raise their eyebrows. We bought a peacock feather and had lots of fun both in, and out, of that store.
- Sex while “altered” whether by alcohol or something else – Yes, more than once.
- Learn to orgasm in less than five minutes from intercourse alone – Well, I never really timed it.
- Silent sex in a full house – For anyone that knows me intimately, they know how much of a challenge this is for me, but yes, I’ve done it. It wasn’t truly “silent” though, just quieter than the usual go-around.
Now, another friend had started my thoughts kindling on this a few months ago when he asked me if, given my sexual openness, there was anything left that I had not yet done that I wanted to do. At the time I really had a hard time coming up with something I felt I had a yearning to try.
For the longest time I had wanted to have a threesome with two men. I had had numerous threesomes where it was me, a male lover, and another woman, but the MMF threesome eluded me. I was once lovers with a man and his best friend at the same time, just not in the same bed. There was one night where we all got friendly together on the living room floor, but eventually one of them bowed out, and left the two of us alone to finish the evening off. Those men, not so into each other sexually. In my opinion, and in my ultimate fantasy of this MMF threesome, both men have to at least be sexually “friendly” enough to share a bed together and not freak out if they end up touching. In short, this would work best with bi men, but at least with men who are bi-sensual. Of course, I’m kind of greedy, and the whole point of the MMF threesome is to have two men ravishing me.
In July of 2012 I finally did get to have my MMF threesome with two bi-friendly (well hell, they were REALLY friendly, but I can’t claim either one as out as bisexual), however it was not quite what I had expected. It was great, don’t get me wrong. It was incredibly sexy, and in some ways, it fulfilled more than one long-dreamt of fantasy bucket list item (the second being the combination of the 3 of us), but it happened too quickly for me to be completely comfortable with it. I blame tequila and snap decision making. The one man and I have been long time lovers. In the list answers above he was the 45 yr old man I slept with when I was 23. There’s a whole separate post here that I have been meaning to write, so I’l save the story for later and get back to the idea of what’s left on my bucket list.
So, what’s left?
Without further ado, here is my sexual bucket list.
Portia Blush’s Sexual Bucket List of Must Do’s (Or Must Do Over’s)
- I want a “do-over” on the male/male/female threesome. Definitely. It probably would not be with the same original two men.
- Fisting – I want to finally experience all 5 fingers inside me, a whole hand filling me. The lover that I explored this with extensively could never get the wide part of his hand inside me, so we only got up to 4.
- Sex in a glass elevator – Not sure why, but this has always been a fantasy of mine
- Fucking a male lover with a strap on – Ever since I dated a bi guy in college I have had fantasies about it. I had one lover who I did this with, but it didn’t really work well because I bought a double-ended dildo that was specifically designed to be worn with one end inserted into your pussy that would stimulate your g-spot while you fucked your parter with the larger end, and although they said it would work without a harness, it didn’t, and without the harness it just wouldn’t stay snug up inside me enough to work as intended. So, standard dildo and harness next time. I have a stellar leather harness that was custom made for me from JT’s Stockroom. (Oh how I love that store – and they send you tootsie pops with every order! Sex and Candy, just like the song)
- Having a Violet Wand used on me – I have mo idea what it will feel like, or if I’ll even find it as sexy as I think, but it sure looks fucking hot, so I want to at least try it.
So far, that’s all I have. I’m sure as I explore even more that something new will find it’s way into my curiosity. As for now, just perfecting some of the things I’ve already tried sounds like a grand adventure to me.
What’s on your sexual bucket list?